The courts continue their debate whether or not gay couples have a right to legal relationship. It's sad. It's wrong. It's also what it is.
However, you should not let legal short-sightedness impact your decision to celebrate your love with your sweetheart. I don't want you to underestimate the importance of that legal protection. I do want you to go out and do the legal work that gives you protection. Until laws pass, you need to have wills and medical directives that make clear to your families who your life partner really is.
I also want to remind you that gathering a supportive community around you to celebrate your commitment to this relationship will make a big difference in the way you live your life together. You deserve to celebrate! And you may need the support the right gay wedding will bring you.
The right wedding ceremony is a great way to garner the support you (and every other wedding couple) will need. And as for the rest of the day, your best choices are not necessarily going to be simply the industry best, but also the enlightened best. Now it's true that most wedding vendors have understood that same-sex weddings are another profit center (yep, they're in the business of making money: vendors may love weddings and all things associated with them, but it is also what puts food on their tables!)
- Keep your focus: Remember the wedding ceremony needs to be the focus of your day rather than all the other delectable distractions. You want to build the support you need for the life you will lead together. Weddings are not just big parties. They have a job to do. You're going to want to celebrate who you are and how you love one another. The clothes and flowers are just fabulous extras.
- Keep it simple: Consider eliminating some of the wedding trappings that the wedding industry assures you are necessary and let the community see how very much you love one another.
- Find the right wedding officiant: Find a wedding celebrant who is not only experienced in celebrating gay weddings but also enthusiastic. Same-sex marriages encounter far more discrimination, both subtle and direct, than other marriages. A celebrant's job is to keep celebrating the sacredness of the relationship and to solicit the community's support.
- Choose supportive vendors: Choose your other vendors for their understanding. The DJ has to be comfortable announcing you. Your wedding planner should stand ready to bustle two gowns or adjust two bow-ties. Or deal with any of the clothing emergencies that weddings bring - without regard to whether this is "usual."
- Be clear: Don't be afraid to remind your community that as fabulous as your celebration is, that there are still rights and privileges to which you have no access. Why not make your wedding favors a donation to an organization fighting for equal marriage rights?
In the long run, getting married is not about the celebration it's about celebrating your relationship and preparing the support you'll need for your marriage. Your wedding day is a wonderful to lay the groundwork for the marriage that will shape and transform your life. Get what you deserve! Create the (same-sex) wedding that will support your wonderful relationship from now until forever.