Sunday, October 27, 2013

Planning Your Perfect Wedding and Perfect Marriage - Leave Time For Lovemaking!

For all that it's the lovemaking and the sex that get us into the whole romance and marriage thing, for some reason lovemaking is often the first thing that disappears under stress. One of the other of you is tired or stressed and the only access we have to emotion as we're planning this fabulous wedding is often irritation. And so we pull away, starting what can easily become a pattern in our relationship. Sigh. It's not helpful: not for either of you or for your marriage. Because in addition to not having sex, you/we/'way too many of us are shutting ourselves off from intimacy. Marriage is about intimacy!

Now, don't misunderstand the Wedding Priestess, lovemaking is not just about sex. But too many of us close ourselves off from the other parts of lovemaking. We let the kissing, the glancing, the hand-holding, the back-rubbing go. Because it takes time. Because it takes seeing our partner. Because it takes opening ourselves up. Often we let the sex become a shorthand for lovemaking rather than the middle of it. Because we're busy, because we assume that knowing one another means the other stuff isn't necessary! Ha! Marriages thrive when partners think the other hung the moon and aren't shy about showing it.

Conversations that happen after sex are often the most intimate conversations we have. Oh sure, there's the "g'nite dear." Not all sex or lovemaking needs to be of the epic variety. But consider an afternoon of loving glances that leads into delightful physical intimacy. What kind of wedding vows would you create with no clothes and no barriers between your hearts? You'd create the vows you wanted to live into, that's what kind.

The sweet, soft openness of physically intimate people is the most amazing place to create your wedding ceremony and celebration. In that place you know what matters and it's not just wedding favors and bridal headgear. You want to look nice, you want people to have a wonderful time, but mostly you want them to know how much you love one another and then you want them to sign up to support you.

Practice your lovemaking. Physical and emotional intimacy takes work. Surprising your lover in the shower to wash his/her back only works when no one is stressing about the presentation they have to give in 45 minutes. Surprise, lovemaking works really well when you're paying attention to what's going on with your partner. When you do the work, you get the payoff and a sweetly loving partner is the most wonderful gift in the world. And you know what? You'll like yourself when you're a sweetly loving partner. Do the work!

P.S. If you're sleeping apart from your partner before the wedding, don't overestimate the power of some stolen moments driving each other crazy. Play with one another. Don't make the days before the wedding be just about the wedding, let them be about you! Enjoy your love. You've got a lifetime ahead of you. It might as well be wonderful!

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